(1987) Street Trash

This movie is complete shit but it’s not without its genuine laughs, casual racism and intensely awesome special makeup effects. I mean seriously some of the best body horror of its era.

Street Trash starts off strong with an awesome scene of a homeless guy melting into a toilet and ends strong with a big gore-filled finale but there’s literally like an hour in between which was pointless and boring. The supposed “plot” ends up being almost a sub-plot to this shitty ex-soldier muscle dude’s story which is confusing and out of place.

I love outrageous 80’s b-horror movies but this short film adapted feature length should have stayed a short film.

3/10

Advertisements

(2001) Trouble Every Day

Trouble Every Day is an arthouse style horror movie that thrives its subtle plot devices but spawns a possible level of pretentiousness with its more questionable scenes.

While I can understand someone not buying into Clair Denis’ motifs for showing ejaculate and menstrual blood, for me it encompassed this sickening atmosphere that was consistent from start to finish. It’s a shame I bought into it too because I was really looking forward to seeing my first pretentious cumshot.

The lead actor Vincent Gallo apparently broke up with his girlfriend the day before this movie started shooting. If that’s not true then his performance is even more impressive because it’s wrought with genuine heartache. His performance alone is a huge part of what drives the plot along. Instead of getting this full backstory we get somewhat ambiguous scenes where it all starts to come together.

I’d recommend this to any horror fan for the first sex scene alone which is truly a masterpiece.

8/10

 

(2001) Pulse (Kairo)

You never really know when you’re going to come across a movie like Pulse; a movie that goes beyond jump scares and feeds on our inner most existential fears.

This is an incredibly meaty movie that takes a minute to digest and if watched in a group, you’ll most likely all have different interpretations of what you just saw. It’s a two hour long dystopian nightmare that’s downright depressing. Best of all? It was actually scary. I don’t mean to brag to my 12 year-old self but I haven’t been “scared” by a movie in a long time and there were certain sequences that made my tiny nuts start to perspire.

How a horror movie can make ghosts infiltrating our world through the internet not stupid is beyond me but everything here just worked. For 2001, the visual effects for the ghosts are perfect and don’t steal the spotlight away from the emotionally driven horror that makes this project successful. Instead of dead girls crab-walking through Walmart we get uncomfortable imagery that aligns with the greyscale production. I was impressed with many of the blurry ghost encounters where the camera doesn’t pan away, it’s really unnerving for some reason. This is undoubtedly the best Japanese Horror movie I’ve seen (so far). 

We spend our lives drifting in and out of relationships, enduring times of severe loneliness and depression when not being assaulted with human interaction. So many people believe that death is essentially going home, moving on to be the ones you lost. Others believe we’re always alone, in life and after death, which one are you?

9.5/10

 

(2013) We Are What We Are

This was a good slow burn, indie-feeling horror movie. I went into it completely blind and that’s how I would suggest everyone else view it. It’s patient and methodical but pays off big at the right moments. I would say this leans more towards arthouse style rather than deliberately trying to gross out moviegoers which given the plot, could have easily been achieved.

It does suffer from really minor things but the only substantial flaw for me was the score at the end of the movie. I had to kind of be like “Wait, what the fuck? Did I misinterpret the whole movie?” It just didn’t connect with the tone up until that point and felt very out of place.

If you’re in the mood for a dark atmospheric horror movie then this is most definitely worth a watch.

7/10

(2009) Orphan

Yessssss, this was totally what I was craving tonight, just a solid horror movie that kept me guessing the whole way through. I mean, the movie is called fucking Orphan, I already know it’s going to be about a fucked up orphan. Nevertheless, the initial sequences of bullying had me rooting for this heinous little bitch and by the end I just wanted to slaughter her.

Vera Farmiga is solidifying herself as my favorite MILF of horror movies and she’s an incredible actress to boot. It’s like every decent horror movie is branded by just having her in it. The producers are basically saying, “don’t worry, Vera’s about to softcore style suck some dick then kick some ass”.

It’s a really fun movie that’s well made, with enough small twists to keep things interesting. It was never going to be a 10 but could have easily been a 3 so let’s chalk this up to a win.

7.5/10

(2014) WolfCop

This ended up being my random Netflix pic this afternoon while eating fried chicken in bed. I thought it was going to be Sharknado style shitty but instead I got b-movie gold. I don’t fuck around when it comes to how much I love body horror and the first bathroom wolf-transformation scene had me giddy.

The story line is fairly simple, this would be a perfect movie to put on when tossing back beers as really all you’re doing is being visually stimulated. It’s fucking quality though, a goofy horror movie that’s ultra-gory and genuinely funny. Best of all, there’s a couple of nice sets of milkers to get the boys writhing around.

You ever meet that one guy who makes it a point to tell you how a hot girl didn’t need implants and she’d look prettier without them? It’s a good thing they make up for all the tiny tits they love so much by being a gigantic pussy.

7/10

(2002) Irreversible

Irreversible contains the most visceral moments of torment and rape only to show us the raw material of our own relationships. This film is disgusting, offensive and moving all at the same time.

It’s a talked about movie, I’m not going to pretend it’s not. One of the things I haven’t heard talked about is the rapists connection to the lovers best friend. The clothing and hairstyle are incredibly similar and in my opinion, an obvious allegory to the insatiable feelings of someone denied of the intimacy they desire. There’s several moments where we witness his loss of control, not in a violent way but much to a way we can all relate. Sex while not ours to own is ours to give. Monica Bellucci relaxingly rants about sex not being all about her cumming. Rape is never about getting laid, it’s about the pathetic sense of power. You can fuck someone less powerful against their will but you can’t force them to feel pleasure.

The camera work is often dizzying and genius, taking a small set and transporting us into the most uncomfortable view imaginable. It rides along the non-linear but not so confusing narrative successfully. Don’t confuse any of this with the movie not being as fucking raw as it is. This contains a 10 minutes long rape scene unlike any other, one that demonstrates the extent of the depravity to its fullest.

This is one of those films, whether it offends you or not, that sticks with you forever; it’s horrific. This wont be the first time you hear me say French horror is fucked.

9/10