(1986) Critters

Critters is a solid 80’s b-horror horror movie that’s goofy but well structured enough to make it an enjoyable watch.

It’s about these greasy killer alien puffy fucks that apparently just like to fuck shit up and be huge dicks wherever they go. Then there’s alien bounty hunter dicks trying to kill them too because the puff fucks are just going rogue and are out of control.

I’m surprised that they were allowed to use that stuffed E.T. in one of the scenes. If I remember correctly, David Cronenberg had to re-shoot a pivotal scene in The Dead Zone after Universal Pictures threatened to file a lawsuit for having an E.T. doll in it.

The ginger kid in this really pissed me off, he’s annoying and just looked like a total pussy; that’s coming from someone with red hair. If I could go back in time, I’d like to attempt to beat the weak ginger genes right out of my DNA.

This movie kind of reminded me of Tarkovsky’s Stalker, in that they’re both movies. Oh and I guess it reminded me of Gremlins as well. When I say reminded I mean this is clearly the studio’s response to Gremlins.

Like 80’s b-horror? Watch this. Love it or hate it it’ll bring you an hour and 22 minutes closer to death, which I think we can all agree is a beautiful thing.

6.5/10

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Author: Ben

26 year old cheeseburger addicted horror junkie

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