(2016) The Boy

This movie has a classic big twist at the end that basically explains the entire movie up to that point, shedding light on all of the sexy mysteries and wonders. Don’t worry, I don’t plan on spoiling this, or any other movie in these reviews so read on and enjoy as always.

Basic back story is that our lead Lauren Cohen is hired to be a nanny to a boy while his parents go on vacation. The boy is of course just a doll and the parents full believe he’s real. That’s the general setup.

This may just be the most underrated movie of the year and I’m not saying that because it’s a great movie. It’s because the criticism is wildly over the top and downright ignorant of different peoples propensity to be scared by specific themes in horror movies. Personally, I don’t really have an extreme fear of ghosts, not sure why, it’s just my thing. I still, however, am able to get scared by ghosts movies who operate in tension just like any other successful horror movie. Mannequins and dolls however, make my already tiny nuts recede back into my stomach. The one point I’m trying to make isn’t that this movie was either good or bad based on if you were personally scared by it, it’s that it was suspenseful. There were undeniably intelligent decisions that led to genuinely suspenseful, sweat inducing moments.

I’m not afraid to say it, the first half of this movie scared me. The little porcelain boy can suck a dick, he’s creepy as hell. It wasn’t just him that made it scary though, it was our lead, The Walking Dead‘s own Lauren Cohen, who’s incredible performance brought life to an inanimate object. Not only is she a great actress but she’s a great written character here as well. It’s so satisfying to watch a protagonist in a horror movie do exactly what we want them to do.

I’ve heard SO many people talk about how hilarious this movie is in its entirety. “How could anyone think this is scary? It’s downright silly!” You know what I say to those people? Fuck you bitch, it’s a fucking horror movie and you think a potentially haunted doll is silly? That’s like horror 101.

Now for the bad/neutral/I don’t even fucking know.

Ben Robson from Animal Kingdom is absolutely awful in this movie, in life, and I just downright hate him. He detracts from this movie much like stepping in wet dog shit detracts from your day. I’m still trying to clean him off my shoe.

Neutral events would be the lack of a detailed backstory explaining what led up to this households fuckery. To me they explained enough, much was left assumed but you know what, another 20min explaining it all even more would have killed the tension.

The I don’t even fucking know would be the ending. This is not a bad ending! The correct answer is that there is no ending in existence that could satisfy the build up. I really mean that, there was no win here given the confines of the movies literal rating. An R rating would have allowed the ending to be potentially anything. I have visions of blood, sugarplums and rape dancing around my head as I type this. I didn’t hate it though, if that what it sounds like. It was an interesting twist and an adequate ending. I do have one major problem with a specific aspect of it but I can’t get into that without ruining it.

Check this out if you’re not an uptight fucker who likes to play candy crush on their phone the entire movie then bitch about how it’s not scary. Turn the fucking lights off, put headphones on if need be and let your shitty laptop brand your chests as it overheats 6 inches from your face.





Author: Ben

26 year old cheeseburger addicted horror junkie

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