(2012) Resolution

I can definitely understand why this one was overlooked but it’s really a shame it was. Besides being an intelligent, thought provoking horror, the two main characters have such a wonderful dynamic between each other that even if nothing happened, I would have considered that to be a leg for the film to stand on.

I have my own theories on what this is about and other have completely different ones. With any kind of semi-ambiguous film like this you’re going to have a third party that feels because everything wasn’t spoon fed to them, it’s a failure regardless of the film maker’s intention. I’m not saying I’m never part of that group but I’m happy to have bought into this movie.

It’s a fantastic tale of friendship, struggle and resolution (ahhhh). Definitely give this one a shot, I believe it’s on netflix. If you don;t like it, eh, so what; at least you’ll be an hour and 33 minutes closer to death.

8/10

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(1990) Nightbreed

Nightbreed was a little too long for me and almost just too much in general. I’m not attempting to shit all over it but I think that it kind of lacked an identity.

It made me think a lot about Hellraiser actually and what made the sequels worse than the original. It’s really all about the cenobites and the actual demon/hell world just flat out looking a little goofy. Is it fun? Fuck yeah it is, tons of awesome makeup design and practical effects to boot. But the thing is, for one, it’s not fucking scary. Even more important that that, there’s no fucking scale here. The world of Midian in Nightbreed felt small and contrived to me. A big budget remake could really fix a lot of my complaints here, which is something that hurts to say, especially with Clive Barker’s name attached to the project.

The best parts of this movie are the practical effects, even if i thought the story was shit they would have held my attention. Fortunately, the story really is great. It’s a great introduction to seeing monsters as the good guys, hiding from the true evil in humanity. I just didn’t really get any of this in the execution, it was far too goofy to take seriously.

Also, David Cronenberg is awesome in this, such an unexpectedly solid performance.

It’s just too fucking long man.

5/10

(2011) Detention

This movie comes on really really fucking strong. Have you ever been on a first date with a girl that has a ton of energy? Immediately you just want to get the fuck out but by the end of it you’re like, well shit, I kind of had fun. That’s exactly what this movie is like. It’s a comedy, horror, sci-fi epic.

At first, I was almost sure this movie was cringe-y and trying way to hard to be “cool” or “current” but then it kind of flips on you. It’s actually making fun of all the bullshit surrounding high school and stereotypes. Just when it starts to win you over it kind of almost brags like look at this you bitch, I’m going to dump out this girls tits then blow the next guy up. There’s no limits here.

This isn’t the type of movie that’s going to scare and disgust you but it really is just a ton of fun, perfect for a date night or alone by yourself like you always are.

7.5/10

(2015) Landmine Goes Click

Holy shit. I think this movie took up to the very last moment to win me over but my god is this just an incredible revenge horror.

The lead in this movie Sterling Knight is a hard guy to love. Sorry Sterl but you present yourself like a cross pollination between Leo DiCaprio and one of those marshmallow peeps. The beautiful thing is, his role was so perfectly molded around his natural abilities as an actor that after 140 minutes of speculation, his character comes off just about as genuine as you can get. I was really right there with him at the end of the movie. It’s not a feeling I expect or even need in a revenge horror but that fact that this one pulled off one of those dynamic real life personas while maintaining some seminal level of badassery is just astounding.

the villain played by Kote Dolordava is also a standout performance. For a pretty average rated, semi-unknown film, the director really lucked out with him. He plays this character that’s both maniacal and apprehensive, making his actions seem even more unpredictable.

My only slight criticism is that they never even discussed the Indiana Jones style counter weight to get out of their stuck on a landmine predicament but whatever. It doesn’t ruin it for me.

All in all this is another criminally underrated film.

8/10

(1983) Sole Survivor

I’m going to keep this one simple. It’sĀ Final DestinationĀ with zombies, set in the 80’s. It’s a ton of fun; totally atmospheric, playful and flirty. Beyond that though, it’s a good fucking story with no loose ends as far as I can tell. I loved the way it started and the way it ended.

An obvious critique that became readily apparent was that this was indeed a TV movie so you’re going to be forced to endure some atrocious dialogue here and there. It’s nothing that ruins the movie, more like a queef now and then to remind us we’re livin’ in the 80’s baby.

6.5/10

(2009) Grotesque

This film follows a sadist who abducts and tortures a couple. It’s some real fucked up shit, arguably torture porn but definitely had some shining moments.

First off, it’s quick, so you’re not enduring any monotonous scenes in between the torture ones. Everything seems to have a purpose. This man wants to see how strong the human will to live is and that kind of justifies the torture porn aspect of the movie because the man indeed is a fetishist who gets off on this shit.

If you can make it through all that fuckery then I promise the ending will pay off, just not necessarily in the way you’d hope. I think I went from an hour of straight wincing to actually laughing, just an absolutely hilarious ending that despite making me rate this movie lower, makes me ten times more apt to recommend this to a friend.

5.5/10