(2016) Sacrifice

Sacrifice is basically a modern day The Wicker Man, if you’ve seen that and liked it, maybe you’ll like this. The townspeople sure are up to something fishy!

On a technical level it’s fine, it looks okay and the acting is whatever.

I guess it’s just kind of stupid, nothing really makes sense. I mean, it makes goddamn sense as in, I understand it. There’s just completely unfounded motivations behind a lot of the characters behavior. Subtlety is the most important virtue for a film like this and they pissed it out the window.

I can’t say it was a rough watch or anything, it kept me somewhat engaged throughout. Unfortunately by the end I realized I was being served some unoriginal bullshit. This was a random Netflix pick so I deserve this.

This is kind of a dud to close out 2016 but I hope everyone has an awesome New Years. Unless I magically conjure up friends, a worthwhile career and a meaningful existence; you can bet your sweet tits we’ll be keeping this movie-a-day streak going. Cheers!

4.5/10

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(2004) Dead Birds

This was alright, pretty standard haunted house setup with some above average ideas. I’m not really sure why it’s call Dead Birds, not a sucking fucking bird in this. Anyways, yeah, it’s pretty good.

The characters are all shit cardboard cutouts, nothing to say about any of them. The setup is also pretty standard and boring to me. There’s some cool sequences throughout and the dated CGI doesn’t look god awful, which is good. However, I think the scares in general are dated. I have absolutely nothing against a good jump scare but the ones in this film I’ve just happen to have seen 100 times.

The ending is solid, very Cronenberg-esque.

I think this movie could have been done much better and I don’t think it’s as original as everyone is making it out to be.

5.5/10

(2011) The Woman

Sorry for the delay in posts these past two days, my laptop decided to shit the bed unfortunately. I really wish I got to change my homepage from PornHub before I had to take it in to get repaired but hey, hindsight is 20-20, right?

The Woman is a surprisingly effective horror movie that’s just as perverse as it is weird. I can’t help but feel like most of what I loved about this film, happened to be accidental. Of course I’d have to watch this directors other films to know for sure. There was just all this weird shit like incredibly generic alternative music as the soundtrack. There’s random detours in camera work style and the general foundation of the film, at least creativity feels unstable. This really works to the movies advantage in that it physically made me uncomfortable. I’m so used to watching movies that I can kind of mentally match the speed of whatever type of film I’m watching but not with this one.

Of course all these quirks don’t always amount to something. One example would be the teacher, who is played by a woman with seemingly little to no acting experience. Every single scene she’s in is bogged down by her performance and feels very b-movie quality.

The rest of the acting was fairly strong with a shoutout to Angela Bettis who’s kind of a knockoff Rachel Weisz. Her performance was restrained throughout most of the film until the final moments where she truly shines. I like her, she’s good.

All-in-all I’d say this movie did indeed surprise me. It’s a tad bit jumbled, a whole lot of strange but something that feels very unique.

7/10

(2010) Undocumented

This is an interesting premise, probably more interesting given the state of our country (US) right now but ultimately it devolves into a run of the mill torture bullshit.

I’m not saying these kind of movies are bad or anything, I’m just saying that if you thought you were going to get some thought provoking horror about illegal immigration, you’re out of luck.

It’s kind of entertaining and does have a few particular moments that stood out to me. It’s weirdly a little too bleak to be drinking-movie worthy but not intelligent to keep me all that interested sober. The kid from Eurotrip is solid in it though, not an outstanding performance or anything but I’d like to see him in more horror movies. His acting remained really restrained and his written character was easy to identify with.

Besides everything I already mentioned, something still felt off about the whole thing, can’t really put my finger on it.

5.5/10

(2015) The Blackcoat’s Daughter

Disclaimer: If this looks at all interesting to you, go see it.

I don’t think Emma Roberts is a good actress nor do I think little Sally Draper holding a knife is scary (she’s not a great actress either). If feels weird being 27, laying in bed eating fruit snacks while talking shit about a 17 year old girls acting but I just don’t think she was fit for this role. Both those performances took me out of the movie completely.

With that being said, I think this was a step up for Perkins. Despite being made before his latest flop, this movie had its own story. I didn’t find the story entirely original but the slow pacing and character timeline cuts made it at least interesting. The girls boarding school is always a tried and true, charming location for a horror film. It’s lonely, dreary and fits nicely into the winter backdrop.

However, this just didn’t work for me on a core level and I have to trust my gut. I found myself an hour into the film, bored, waiting for something to happen. I understand and appreciate slow burn horror but Perkins lit my candle and let it die out unfortunately.

Also, it was a really intelligent perspective on the effects of female adole-

No I’m just kidding.

5/10

 

(2016) The Eyes of my Mother

The Eyes of my Mother is a masterfully produced arthouse style horror film that manages to trim the bullshit while remaining very impactful.

The running time is like an hour and 15 minutes and the pacing of the movie is quite possibly the most interesting aspect. Everything we’re actually shown on screen is very raw and realistic but there’s cuts in the film where significant lapses in time bring up questions about what actually happened. This is where most of the criticism is coming from; it’s spawned complaints of ambiguity and unresolved aspects of the story. I can tell you straight up, it’s not hard to fill in the blanks and what can’t be filled in, isn’t meant to be. So obviously to me, all of these aspects were huge strengths.

Kika Magalhaes is a powerful lead. She’s absolutely gorgeous but sports what me and my friends used to refer to in college as “serial killer eyes”.

There’s not too much more I can say without ruining it but I don’t agree with most of the reviews rolling in on this one. I think it’s one of the stronger horror films put out this year and there’s some really sick shit going on here.

8.5/10

(2016) Trash Fire

Trash fire has an immense amounts of problems but a very strong ending.

It’s the kind of thriller/horror where the big reveal is explained to the audience directly as if we’re a character ourselves which I find incredibly weak. I also don’t think Adrian Grenier is a particularly good or bad actor, he’s just a pretty face.

It was a movie that wasn’t good or bad initially, just a movie that wasn’t bad enough to turn off, as my girlfriend put it.

I think I mentioned that the old woman put in a decent performance and she mentioned that it was overacted which kind of opened my eyes to that portion of phoned in horror. She really was such a cliche character that I can’t count it as a plus.

All in all, I’d say this was a film that didn’t need to be made. I was able to predict everything right away and any thrills had were overly generic.

The problem with this type of film is that when you dedicate a majority portion to the relationship between two characters, you can’t just overlook those performances. It was built around this incredibly toxic relationship but even that wasn’t portrayed in an interesting or original way. I actually just mostly found it frustrating. And while the iMDB page noted it as an intentional comedy, it seemed anything but.

I can’t recommend this to anyone unfortunately, there’s just too many other good options out there.

4/10