(2017) Jeepers Creepers 3

Everyone seems super bummed out by this one but frankly, I’m surprised it even got made.

I don’t really have too much to say, it’s a b-movie released on TV. It’s like, cheesy-shitty. There’s tons of bad acting, storytelling and CGI.

There’s some cool shit too though and if you’re fiending for another glimpse of The Creeper, it might scratch the itch.

4.5/10

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(1931) Frankenstein

Man that finale looks really incredible, as does everything. This movie really holds up, as much as that phrase is overused these days.

My favorite aspect of Frankenstein is that it feels like a complete story without any of the more modern styles of side trekking from the plot. It’s a crisp and concise horror film that many directors could still learn from.

8/10

(1990) Child’s Play 2

While I’m having a blast dipping into these Child’s Play sequels for the first time, there’s one really overarching theme about them. Despite being tons of fun and nightmare fuel for 8-year olds, they’re stupid as fuck.

With that being said, it’s still a totally acceptable popcorn flick. The practical effects are actually pretty solid and the final sequence is just hilarious.

5/10

(2017) It

I want to start off with my complaints about this film because they’re minimal and really pale in comparison to the insurmountable triumph that is, It.

My first, I guess you could say major complaint, would be the way Pennywise is introduced to each character. I thought that each individual scene was incredible but seeing them in such methodical secession kind of dampened the punch.

My only other complaint would be Finn Wolfhard’s final little quip, if you want to call it that. His dialogue is absolutely hilarious throughout 99% of the film but that last one had me feeling like, okay we get it, you can shut the fuck up now. It was kind of like that one friend we all have, where if they get a laugh they’ll just keep going until your face hurts from fake smiling. I should add that he’s a really talented young actor and his delivery is fantastic most of the time.

What’s good about the film? Literally everything else. Skarsgard’s Pennywise is refreshing and original. I love the way he looks, the way he moves and most of all, his sense of urgency. The film might be over 2 hours long but there is zero downtime.

The most important thing to mention here is that I felt a personal connection to the film. A lot of people ask me, you know, what is it that makes a film a 9/10, as apposed to an 8/10? That’s really it, I need to walk away with some kind of an emotional impact. Simply having nothing bad to say about a movie really isn’t indicative of perfection to me. Horror movies need to have some depth, a sense of purpose.

It’s really difficult to speak through generations, as none of us will ever have a realistic perspective of anything we haven’t experienced first hand. However, I believe Pennywise to be an extremely relevant allegory to the state of our country, this entire planet even. I often hear people seeming baffled that acts of hate and racism can be this relevant in 2017 and besides being an unfortunate, natural bi-product of humanity, it’s also because hate isn’t really understood or explained properly. When you harbor a kind of broad hatred such as racism or homophobia, that hatred lives on as a separate entity. It’s an untrustworthy entity that will ultimately turn on and infect children, keeping that same hatred alive.

So yeah, despite not being a super complex metaphor, that kind of general idea was intentional. All the dirty hippies preaching universal love and shit aren’t quite right. Humans are better bonded through bullshit. Religion never gave birth to morality or ethics, it’s engrained in us to empathize with anyone suffering and that’s what really bonds the children in this movie.

Wait…except for the bully though, he just wants to inflict his pain on others. So maybe beat your kids a little but not too much?

Anyways, I loved It, it’s better than the original and I’m happy for Andy Muschietti’s success. I wasn’t a fan at all of his previous film Mama but he really played to his strengths here.

9/10

(1990) It

I watched this in anticipation of the new one coming out and I have to say, how have I never seen this in its entirety before? Either way, comparing the two versions side-to-side really helped me assess the actual quality of the original mini-series, as apposed to inflating its value through nostalgia.

For the most part, It still remains highly entertaining and Tim Curry’s Pennywise is just iconic. I loved the practical effects as well as the use of multiple storylines. Seeing the the flashbacks between the adults and kids really felt seamless and helped me get a general grasp of the story, even though I’ve never read the book.

It is a book- oh and, side note, it’s really fucking annoying trying to write about this film while referencing its name. Anyways, the book has supposedly tons of weird, questionable shit in it. Towards the end of the film, one of the adults mentions awkwardly that he’s still a virgin but as weird as that is, I think in the book they all just run train on Bev. Despite Stephen King films capturing the angelic, authentic nature of childhood, I’d love to see an ultra-violent/graphic version of It.

This is a great movie/mini-series, there’s just too many specific scenes that stick with us and I’m happy its success gave birth to the remake that I just watched.

7/10

 

(2014) Dark Was the Night

Another annoying shitty grey/blue filter that I’m not going to rant about because regular readers know how much I hate it. It’s there though and it’s shitty.

The film as a whole is I guess, upon conclusion, not as terrible as it builds itself up to be. The on screen relationships are all incredibly shallow and cliche. The dialogue is annoying and the acting is pretty shitty to boot. It’s also pretty fucking boring which is an easy blanket complaint.

The conclusion however, was actually pretty exciting. I realized that the director did a fine job not revealing too much of our monster and despite my frustration, I did admittedly just want to get a good look at the cocksucker. The monsters depiction through the film is a mix of practical and CGI effects. The practical effects are pretty dope and the CGI ones are low-budget shit.

I don’t know, it’s on Netflix. It’s not a garbage fire or anything but I don’t see a reason to watch it unless you’re incredibly bored, very run of the mill horror.

5/10

(2005) The Call of Cthulhu

I wanted to hate this because just the idea of a silent film being made in 2005 seems ridiculous. I enjoy silent films like Vampyr and Nosferatu genuinely but also out of an appreciation for the level of creativity established within the confines of the time periods technological limitations.

With The Call of Cthulhu, I actually kept forgetting that I was watching a modern silent film. It’s a true homage to that era. The visuals were great, loved the dated animation and set pieces. The acting was on point, you know, over the top expressionism and such.

It’s a simple and brief journey back in time. With that being said, if no one could make another silent film, that would be great.

7/10