(2016) Quarries

I love being able to say that I think this is a bit underrated. The actual plot is seemingly contrived out of nothing. Oh god it’s so retarded now that I’m trying to rationalize it.

What I really meant to praise was the woman. It was a horror movie about woman and the woman fucking killed it. I’m super impressed. They actually elevated this movie beyond what it should have been.

I can’t say I recommend it but I also don’t think it was a waste of my time, the iMDB rating is far too low.



(2010) Rammbock

I thought this was pretty dumb. The grey aesthetic is about as boring and played out as everything else in the film.

I will say the actual mechanics of the virus in this film are interesting and I feel could be impactful in the hands of either a more experienced director or larger budget.

It’s not terrible, it’s just not good either.



(2004) The Card Player

Straight up, literally can’t tell if this shit is dubbed originally or not. There’s definitely some american actors and yeah, I don’t know what’s going on.

It’s easily the worst Argento film I’ve ever seen, by a mile. It’s not only a poorly made film on a technical level but it’s painfully uninteresting.

There’s some seriously great shots though and they only seem to make it more disappointing.

It’s like glitter in shit.


(2012) Antiviral

Brandon Cronenberg’s debut feature is a gross, piteous statement on celebrity obsession and I loved every minute of it.

It’s shot remarkably well for a debut and the kid honestly shows so much talent straight out of the gate. The statement being made can seem simplistic at first but it’s approached on such an abstract level. It’s very much an original film, which is one of the best compliments I can give any modern horror film.


(2018) Unsane

I’ve never been more conflicted about a film before so I may just kind of have to work this out as I go.

Unsane is shot entirely on an iPhone and guess what? It looks like it’s shot entirely on an iPhone. I really don’t hate that aspect. It gives it a throwback look and with editing techniques, I feel like Soderbergh could have created something wholly unique while keeping that vintage feel. However, I don’t think anything is being reinvented here.

The most interesting aspect of this film is really in the setup. It’s a situation that I and most others find genuinely terrifying. I had my own expectations for how I wanted the plot to proceed but I’m not factoring that into this review. I think, in general, the plot is just fine. I do wish we got a bit more exposition into how the entire situation was orchestrated but, you know, whatever. It’s no spoiler to say that any type of thriller in this setting is doomed to only be asking the viewer one question, “is she crazy or is this really happening?”.

Soderbergh also throws in these ultra-close up shots that were not invented by, but popularized by David Lynch. As soon as I saw them I kind of rolled my eyes. Those shots + a psychiatric ward = every reviewer talking about how “claustrophobic” the film is. I’m totally fine with all this, it didn’t impress me but it’s just something I felt the need to mention.

Overall, I felt like this was a decent homage to when made-for-tv movies were actually good. As a stand-alone film though, it’s just…good.



(1960) Peeping Tom

This film is quite possibly the first slasher movie ever made and a somewhat interesting one at that.

People draw comparisons to Hitchcock’s Psycho, being that they sparked similar controversy and were released the same year. However, beyond those two aspects, I don’t really see too many similarities between the two.

This film reminded me much more of giallo film. It’s really stylistic and colorful. It has that POV aspect occasionally and the true nature of the film lies more in mystery than in carnage.

I wasn’t initially sure about Karlheinz Böhm as an actor but I think he played into that awkward, pseudo-charming voyeur quite well. 

It’s good but no where near as good as Psycho. Powell really didn’t deserve the backlash from this.


(2018) A Quiet Place

This film is getting quite a bit of praise from critics and fans alike but what the score on iMDB won’t show you is how many people are bursting blood vessels trying to vocalize their complaints.

I think this is the first sci-fi horror film that made me realize how unwelcoming sci-fi fans really are. I’ve never heard more complaints about a great film, most of them remarking over hypothetical situations and critiquing information that doesn’t even exist in the confines of the film. “This is so unrealistic. Why don’t they just do this? The problem could have easily been solved with this.”

This heavy sci-fi critiquing is an infuriating way to look at this film because it’s not even about anything other than a family simply trying to survive. Just like anyone, part of that survival is through trial and error. Sci-fi fans want realism but are incapable of accepting the fact that humans are imperfect and will occasionally push logic to the wayside in favor of impulse.

I’m in no way saying the characters in this film are stupid of act insensibly. Watching them behave is one of the most suspenseful aspects to the film. They do almost everything as carefully as possible but the rules of this universe don’t allow for any slip-ups.

I’m completely blows away by every aspect of this film. John and Emily not only have exceptional on-screen chemistry (obviously) but are both individually world-class actors. Even the deaf character Regan played by Millicent Simmonds, whose deaf in real life, ads so much realism to her character.

Go see it. It’s undoudabtlay one of the best films of 2018, calling it now.