(2013) The Sacrament

I’ve read a few reviews of this movie criticizing is for its lack of subtlety and how it’s basically a retelling of a real event, the Jonestown massacre. The second part is true and that aspect isn’t supposed to be subtle, nor is anything in the film for that matter.

I’m kind of a nut for shit like this so I practically listen to the Jonestown recording just to fall asleep at night. This movie really brought me to a place I’d long given up on mentally visiting. After all, given the horrific nature of the real life incident, it’s almost impossible to conceptually understand what exactly went on, even with the aid of the recordings.

The Sacrament puts you right there, these are real fucking people that believe in an intangible cause. Oh and jesus fuck how did I wait to long to rant about this. You want to talk about fucking subtlety in film making? The real death toll was almost 9 fucking times more than the death toll in this movie. Real people were murdered when they tried to leave, how the fuck anyone even feels the need to talk about “subtlety” in reference to Jonestown is unfathomable.

If you couldn’t already tell I loved this movie, the pseudo-Jim Jones actor is great and the entire experience was unnerving. The source material does most of the leg work but that doesn’t discredit a successful horror film.

8/10

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(2016) Phantasm: Ravager

I legit shed a tear at the end of Ravager, such an incredibly touching conclusion to a series I’ve grown to love so much. As a stand alone movie it’s garbage but as a conclusion to the series it’s pretty much perfect.

I love how the tall man says “there’s thousands of us” kind of an allegory to mental deterioration and the hell many fall into before they die. I don’t even know man, I just love this fucking movie. I guess I can’t really say much more without giving away spoilers.

There are flaws on course, one huge on being the bad CGI but then again I never really watched these movies expecting great production. I just tend to enjoy practical effects over CGI.

8/10

(1998) Phantasm IV: Oblivion

This entry in the series is kind of where you’d expect a horror series to go in its fourth installment. There’s a ton of backstory, time travel and all-in-all, it’s potentially the most ambitious movie of the series. Where all other franchises dove straight into the trash, Oblivion excelled gracefully.

I talked a lot this week about humanizing villains and how it detracts from their scariness. In this case, they managed to really get in depth with the tall man without making him any less scary; if anything, it made him even more scary. After all, we learn in Oblivion that the entity that is the tall man, is very much separate from Dr. Jeb.

This is a great sequel, so far this series hasn’t let up; bring on Ravager baby.

7.5/10

(1994) Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead

What’s to say really? It’s a fucking awesome sequel. When is a third sequel ever good?

It’s Phantasm baby, Reggie is horny and the balls are out and flying around like never before. There’s some great lore added in that doesn’t seem at all forced. The pacing in which the tall man’s backstory is revealed among the series thus far, is nothing short of genius.

It’s still campy, it’s still sexy and overall, it’s a solid entry to the series I’ve grown to love so much. On the the 4th one baby weeeooooo here we friccen gooooooooooo

7.5/10

(1988) Phantasm II

Amping up the body horror big time with this sequel! The tall man is back in full force and this is an all around excellent sequel. I love Mike and Reggie, very likable characters with great of chemistry.

These movies have a very dreamlike flow to them, tons of fun insanity and really just a perfect series to binge in October; I’m basing that off the 2/5 Phantasm movies I’ve seen so far.

7.5/10

(2016) Lights Out

The lead actress in this is so fucking obnoxious and I’m not just talking about the way her character is written (although that’s god awful) but her fucking droll voice like ugh jesus fucking christ *smashes fingers into temple*

This movie has some cool moments but it doesn’t make up for the pile of shit it was born in. There’s even a scene in the movie where the blonde lead is rambling on about her daddy issues to the social worker and the social worker is like “uhh yeah idgaf can we just talk about this fuccin kid”. Even another fictional character in this made up universe doesn’t give a shit about her.

Basically what this movie comes down to is a big budget horror filled with campy performances in a film that doesn’t strive for that vibe. Is it awful? Well yeah, it is. It’s offensively bad because this kind of bullshit was churned out for the masses as a spooky but easily digested horror. It’s just fucking lazy, I mean they create these rules for their villain and don’t even follow them. That shit really pisses me off. This shouldn’t be in theaters, especially after some great big budget horror movies.

The monster herself is fucking stupid, she just sounds stupid. Not to mention in her-you know I seriously have very little confidence in myself but even I could write a better ghostfucker than that bitch. How no one in the editing room didn’t speak up about her voice sounding retarded is beyond me. Why even have her talk at all?

Predictable ending, everyone is unlikable, everything is gay, I’m gay; fuck off.

1/10