Month: May 2019

(2003) Scary Movie 3

As much as both horror and comedy films can succeed without actually being scary or funny, those are still some of the most important aspects. If I’m scared, it’s an effective horror film and the same goes for comedies.

Basically what I’m trying to say is that as dumb as a movie like this is, it’s so fucking funny. It also strays away from just making fun of horror with parodies of 8 Mile, which is just delightfully retarded.

I don’t know, I love it.

8/10

(2005) Doom

I think this is a film that people probably both expect to be bad and even agree to be bad after seeing it but it’s not. This was a seemingly doomed (heh) project from the start and yet I actually feel like they captured the vulgar violent tone of the video game series perfectly.

The first aspect that was nailed was ark travel. It’s a short CGI bit but it’s hilarious and accurate. You pair that up with some raw, offensive dialogue and over-the-top gore; that’s fucking Doom.

The Rock has carved his wholesome public image nowadays but it’s nice to look back on films like Doom, Southland Tales and remember that he was willing to push boundaries.

I feel confidently it succeeds at what it tried to accomplish and I had a ton of fun watching it.

7/10

 

(2018) The Strangers: Prey at Night

This was a sequel that didn’t need to be made but I actually enjoyed it quite a bit. They made the killers more exposed, while keeping the victims very human, even if to a frustrating level at times.

Really the standout aspect to me was the lighting. At first it seems sort of busy and almost trendy. However, it really comes together during specific scenes to leave a strong impression.

I should mention that this family being victimized is mostly spineless and borderline retarded. It would be a nail-in-the-coffin complaint if it weren’t for some much deserved moments of redemption. I do expect certain people to hate it based on the process to get to those points though.

7/10

(1989) Leviathan

Leviathan is sort of a weird film to review because it’s fun, entertaining and competent but it also rips a bunch of shit off Alien and even Jaws at the end there.

I liked it, didn’t love it. It kind of takes a while for shit to really go down but I’ll admit it’s pretty great once it does.

Listen, 1989 was full of these underwater movies and this might not be the best but it’s also not the worst.

6.5/10

(2013) Bad Milo

This movie is so fucking funny.

As a person with anxiety and acid reflux, it was just wonderful. Ken Marino was absolutely hilarious and it’s one of the most ridiculous films of the decade.

The lack of recognition of the absurdity on screen by the characters is possibly the best aspect. It’s smart comedy and an actually quality horror film.

It’s one of my favorite horror comedies period and I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face when it ended.

8/10

(1997) Anaconda

This movie was so much worse than I remember it as a kid. It’s exciting and fun but the writing, acting and CGI are all awful. Even Jon Voight is weird and sort of terrible. What fucking accent is he even doing?

It’s worth noting by the way that this CGI cost around 100k a second back in 1997. They had some good animatronics and I almost wish they just stuck with that period.

It’s…pretty bad.

4.5/10

 

(2011) Final Destination 5

This was a solid final sequel considering it truly embodies the series, both good and bad. The CGI is atrocious at times but there’s a few solid moments of effects.

The acting is whatever, par the course. The actual kind of lore if you would have it is sort of focused at this point. It was made a bit overcomplicated with Final Destination 2 but then reworked to be more manageable with subsequent films.

I absolutely love the final scenes, it was just a well-deserved treat for longtime fans and something that just worked in context.

This is a glowing review for what really is a mediocre film by all-accounts though. I just meant, if you’ve made it this far, go ahead and finish it off with watching this one.

6/10

(2009) The Final Destination

This 4th installment in the series is the first one to take a noticeable dip in quality. Rehashed ideas are tiresome and the par-for-the-course death scenes are uninspired and riddled with b-level CGI.

The dialogue is often corny, as well as the spoken exposition being blatant, unnecessary and rushed all at the same time.

This was really not for me. Beyond the technical problems I just didn’t like a ton of the creative decisions as well. It really felt like some studio just quickly churned this out to make a buck.

4.5/10